TRIGGER WARNING: This newsletter touches on the topic of sexual assault
Hello and Salam alaykum friends,
I hope you’re well and I pray your writing has been going well!
This week for me has been about learning to be patient with the writing, respecting how long a piece wants to take and not rushing or forcing a story. I’ve also come to realise that sometimes you need to grow into the person that’s needed to tell the story you want to tell (though this may not apply to everyone).
This week, my father was doing some spring-cleaning and he pulled out three folders which contained printed copies of the first two drafts of my YA novel as well as the first draft of the adult novel I’m currently working on. As I leafed through the pages of the adult novel, I realised how much the story had changed and expanded, yet all of the drafts of this novel have been pivotal to my learning experience as a writer.
For example, one of the themes I tackle in my novel is sexual assault, and I remember after I shared the third draft of the book with a friend, she said, ‘I don’t like the rapey-ness of this character.’ I was glad she brought it to my attention because I’d been thinking about it a lot before then, and her feedback forced me to sit with myself and confront the reason for my choices in the telling of the story of this particular protagonist.
Through introspection, I traced this back to my experience of sexual assault — particularly the way it was handled. I’d internalised that my experience wasn’t taken seriously because it wasn’t the worst of the worst scenarios, so if I wanted my character’s pain to be recognised and for people to empathise with her, I needed to make her suffer (beyond necessary).
Luckily, at this point in my drafting process, I’d come to unlearn this notion and also worked through my trauma through therapy. So while the assault was central to the story I wanted to tell, I was more than happy to pare down, as much as possible, the atrocities my character faced.
This recollection also reminded me to take a step back from my novel and rethink the big picture. Why was I feeling so stuck?
In addressing this, I was able to drill down the core of my story even further, which lead me to asking: what scene serves this story? Are you stuck because you’re leading the story in a direction it doesn’t want to go?
Friends, I’m happy to report that as I worked through these questions, I had a breakthrough in my writing! I finished the chapter I’d been trying to write for so long and was able continue on with the story.
This experience was my reminder that whenever I get stuck, it is important for me to always take a step back. I don’t believe in writer’s block — this sounds extreme but I mean this in the sense that a block in writing doesn’t mean I’m not capable of writing, it simply highlights that there’s an underlying issue that needs to be tackled which may or may not be writing related.
For example, I know when I’m mentally exhausted, overwhelmed or have too much on my mind, I struggle to write. When I’m battling with issues in other aspects of my life, the words won’t come – so I try to pay attention to what this ‘block’ is telling me and work through the issue.
How do you handle your writing struggles? Are you able to pinpoint why the words aren’t coming?
👀 What caught my attention this week:
Ghosts and Empties by Lauren Groff: A friend sent me this really gripping short story of a woman who watches (pays extra attention) people when she goes on her walks. I have a thing for novels or stories with a strong voice, and this one does it for me! Here’s a snippet from the story:
Because the nights are so cold, I share the streets with few people. There’s a young couple who jog at a pace slightly slower than my fast walk. I follow them, listening to their patter of wedding plans and fights with friends. Once I forgot myself and laughed at something they said and their faces owled, unnerved, back at me, then they trotted faster and took the first turn they found and I let them disappear into the black.
Writer Math: I found this quite interesting and grounding, particularly in relation to how long we assume our writing will take, as well as thinking all of our writing days would be the same. This part struck the most:
“When I look at how many words I can get down in a single session, it’s SO beguiling to do Writer’s Math and say if I wrote 2500 words 5 days a week I could have <calculator noise> 50k in a month!!!!! That will literally never happen and I need to stop doing math like that … Real Writer’s Math is calculating your output for a typical writing session (or whatever time period) and cutting that number in half. If you can usually write 1000 words at a clip, pretend you can only do 500, because it will probably take you twice as long as you expect, when life gets in the way.”
AFREADA’s interview with debut author of Dazzling – Chịkọdịlị Emelụmadụ: AFREADA’s newsletter is one I look forward to every Friday evening, and I loved everything Chịkọdịlị said in her interview, but here’s a snippet from a part that moved me:
“What I knew early on was that if I wanted to make any sort of headway in the arts, I couldn't stay in Nigeria. Now, you definitely can, but back then, I knew I couldn't because I wasn't prepared to just write on the side. I'm saying self-delusion, but I think it’s more about self-belief. If you don't want your dream to be destroyed, you have to hold it close to your chest because people will say hurtful things. You also need to know that you're on your own - even when you’re surrounded by people doing the same thing, you need to understand that you're not the same. You have your own path, and you have to stick to your own path, because everybody's Chi is different.”
📚 On my reading list:
Friends, I haven’t read much since the start of January. I’ve dipped in and out of things, but I find that by the end of the day – which is when I usually read – I’m exhausted. I used to aim to be in bed at least an hour early to ensure I protect my reading time, but it’s been unsuccessful in the past weeks. But starting this weekend (in shaa Allah!), I’m going back to prioritising my reading time because it’s one of my pivotal forms of resting, and to be honest, I really miss it.
Anyways, here are some of the books I’m currently dipping into:
Memorial Drive by Natasha Trethewey: A memoir about the life of the author’s mother who was shot and killed by her ex-husband. I’m only a few pages in, but the author writes so beautifully and so tender, and I know it’s a book I’ll be returning to for a while.
Have you ever considered writing a memoir? What would it be about?
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: During the last residency, one of my peers compared my writing style to one of his favourite authors, Kazuo Ishiguro, and this was my cue to check out his work. He’s an award-winning author, and I want to learn all I can from him. I’d tried The Buried Giant a long time ago but couldn’t get into it, though I think it was more the state of my mind than the book itself. Never Let Me Go was the only book my library had readily available, so I borrowed it and jumped in, and boy, was I sucked in. I’ve been taking my time with the book, reading it just before bed and it’s thrown me back to my boarding school memories. I’m only one-third of the way through, but I’m pining to know what happens next. The world-building is solid, and his writing style truly is impeccable.
What’s on your reading list?
If you found this beneficial at all, please shout about it to your family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances!
Till next Friday,
Suad